Attack Of The Cute Pink Unicorn
by cheri1
Summary: Eleven and Clara. Crackfic. The Doctor and Clara are in a bind. They've been eaten by that most terrifying of creatures, a fifty foot pink unicorn plushie. FINISHED.


A/N: I saw a commercial for these things called Teddy Tanks that are part stuffed animal and part fish tank that goes in the belly. The mouth has an opening at the back and you can feed the fish through there and you can also store other things in the plastic fish tank like marbles or dog treats or things like that. I was watching this commercial and thinking how strange it was that they would have a combination stuffed animal and fish tank and suddenly hit on this scenario. This is complete crack, a weird and nonsensical fanfic so take it as such.

And the choices you had for the stuffed animals was a pink unicorn, monkey, teddy bear, dog, penguin and frog.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't believe this is happening," Clara said.

She was standing inside a gigantic plastic fishbowl that was inside the belly of a fifty foot pink unicorn plushie. A living pink unicorn plushie that was now walking somewhere after "eating" her and the Doctor. As for the Doctor, he was beside her and to her surprise; he didn't seem the least bit concerned that they had been eaten by a giant stuffed toy.

"Isn't this brilliant?" the Doctor was saying as he watched the view from inside the fish bowl. "Never been swallowed by a living unicorn plushie before. This is a first and at my age, firsts are few and far between."

"I don't believe you. You're actually thrilled that we're inside a unicorn's stomach?" Clara said.

"Well, look on the bright side, Clara."

"What bright side?"

The Doctor paused for a moment in thought.

"It's…not a Dalek?" he said weakly.

"Ugh!" Clara said, throwing up her hands in exasperation.

"Come on, Clara. Calm down. We'll get out of this mess. All we have to do is climb up the throat," the Doctor said, pointing up.

Clara looked up. The top of the fishbowl was about twenty feet above her head. There was a narrow opening that led up to the creature's throat and beyond that; she calculated a fifty foot drop from the mouth to the ground.

"You first," Clara said dryly before turning to look out the bowl again.

The Doctor shrugged and walked over to the opening. Clara shifted her body sideways and watched while he stood there and studied the problem.

"Well, go on then. Up and out," Clara said after thirty seconds of inactivity.

"In a moment," the Doctor said, annoyed. "Just calculating a few things."

Clara snorted softly but kept watching while the Doctor turned his attention back to the problem. He glanced at Clara who was now folding her arms over her chest and staring at him while she waited for him to make a move. Then he jumped about a foot in the air and looked to see if Clara had seen that.

"And?" Clara said when he gave her a sheepish look.

"Working on it, Clara," he said before turning his attention back to the opening.

He tried several more jumps before realizing that he couldn't clear anything over two feet in the air. He cleared his throat when he saw the told you so expression on his companion's face.

"Right, this may take a bit more thought," he said, walking back to the front of the fishbowl. "But in the meantime, just look at that view out there," he added, pointing to something outside the fishbowl.

"Doctor, have you ever stopped to think that maybe stomach acid or something will pour in here and dissolve us?" Clara said.

"Naaaaah!" the Doctor said dismissively. "Won't happen."

"And why not?"

"Because Uni won't do that to us, she loves us."

"Uni?" Clara said in disbelief. "You've named the thing that ate us and how can you be so sure it won't kill us?"

"Because it's a pink unicorn, Clara. A pink unicorn is friendly and Uni is a perfectly good name for her."

"How you've managed to live this long is beyond me," Clara said, shaking her head.

"Look!" the Doctor said, ignoring her as he pointed to something outside the fishbowl. "Other plushie beings!"

Clara looked out and noticed a semicircle of other fifty foot plushies were standing several feet from them. There was a brown monkey, brown dog, white teddy bear, penguin, frog and another pink unicorn. As Uni approached, the other animals waved and began to do a ritualistic dance where they walked in place while swishing their arms back and forth. Uni stopped and joined the circle and the Doctor could see that Uni was also joining in the dance.

"So now what?" Clara said as she watched the other plushies.

There was no answer and Clara turned her attention to the Doctor and was shocked to see him imitating the dance with a huge grin on his face.

"Doctor, what are you doing?" Clara said.

"I'm joining in the dance, Clara. Maybe if they see I'm willing to be a part of their group, they'll let us go."

"Doctor, they're not paying the slightest bit of attention to us, they're just…walking, dancing, whatever the hell they're doing, they don't care about us."

The Doctor let out an exasperate sigh and stopped his dancing.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a killjoy?" he said to her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clara gasped and her eyes snapped open when the buzzer on her alarm clock went off. She looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it'd been a dream. She sat up and moaned as she rubbed her eyes.

"After all I've done with the Doctor, I'm surprised we haven't been eaten by a giant unicorn plushie," she said to herself before getting out of bed and getting ready for the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After she was finshed getting ready and eating a bit of breakfast, Clara made her way to the console room to see what the Doctor was doing. She found him sitting on his seat by the console, waiting for her.

"Clara!" he said, leaping up when he spied her. "I have a gift for you."

"Really?" Clara said, wondering what it could be.

The Doctor went to the far side of the console and grabbed something that Clara couldn't see.

"Ta-dah!" he said, leaning back up and showing her the gift.

Clara's stomach lurched. In his hands was the pink plushie unicorn with the fishbowl in its stomach.

"Isn't it brilliant?" the Doctor said to her. "They're called Teddy Tanks. I was watching telly and saw the advert and said to myself, Clara would love this. They had several to choose from but I figured you're a unicorn sort of gal, am I right? Clara, where are you going?" the Doctor said when Clara ran from the room without another word.

"Okay, not a unicorn sort of gal then," the Doctor said to himself. "Ah well, if she doesn't like it, I'll enjoy it. Come on, Uni," he said to the toy, "let's find some fish to put in your belly."

THE END.


End file.
